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How to Heal After a Divorce?

Human beings, by nature, are designed to develop and nurture close relationships. That’s how we grow and thrive as individuals and as a community. Apart from blood relations, one of the strongest and most valuable relationships is that of a husband and wife. The bond between a husband and wife holds a special place, be it any country, culture, race, or religion.

Sometimes, however, owing to unfortunate circumstances, this bond can break and result in a divorce. Because the love and commitment that two people in a marriage share is so deep and personal, the break up is even harder and may take a lot of time and effort to heal. Although only the individual going through the process understands how traumatic and isolating it can be, below are some tips suggested by psychic healer Irish George which can help you to heal after a divorce in a jiffy:

  1. Delete all evidence of your previous life

To move on, it is essential that you get rid of all shared possessions, pictures, text messages, emails, and anything else that may remind you of your ex-spouse. While this can initially seem incredibly difficult and devastating, think of it as cleansing your home and your soul, leading to a fresh start to your new life. Daily reminders such as pictures and messages can only result in more anger, confusion, and sorrow, none of which you need at the moment.

  1. Give yourself time

This is perhaps one of the most important points to remember, not just in the case of divorce, but through all difficult phases of life. The age-old saying of ‘time is the best healer’ does have immense truth behind it.

God has given man the ability to forgive, forget, and move on with life; to focus on something new, something better. But expecting oneself to heal after a divorce and move on immediately is incorrect and unfair to the mind and body. Give yourself time to take in the grief, accept your feelings, and heal slowly and gradually. Understand that strong emotions leave big wounds, which take time to heal. But eventually, they do.

  1. Acknowledge your feelings

Whether you are feeling angry, hurt, resentment, or frustration, take an in-depth look inside and understand your emotions. Talk to yourself alone – what is it that you are feeling? Why is it that you are feeling these? What are some of the triggers which make these emotions resurface?

Acknowledging your feelings will make you feel alive and human; let nature take its course and find out how best you can deal with the emotions at the time. Do not brush them under the carpet as bottled-up feelings are much worse. Allow yourself to feel sad, cry it out, scream if you have to; let the energy out. Understand that you are going through a tough time, and your mind and body need to be in sync for you to let it all out.

  1. Avoid overthinking and self-criticism

Often when we are in a state of grieving or sorrow, our mind wanders into areas that are dark and depressive. Gloomy thoughts tend to become overbearing, and so you need to be actively aware of your thoughts and feelings. Stop blaming yourself for whatever happened, and consciously shift your thoughts towards positive ones. Whenever you feel that negative thoughts are overtaking your mind and body, remind yourself gently that you are not to be blamed and that you need to move on. Even better, try to distract yourself with something else until those thoughts go away.

  1. Remind yourself of the reasons for divorce

This might seem counterintuitive but is an essential step if you want to heal after divorce quickly.

Whenever you feel like negative thoughts are taking over, and you start to feel regret, remind yourself why you got divorced in the first place. Were you unhappy? Were there irreconcilable differences? Did you both want different things from life? Did the other person walk away from you and make you feel isolated? Ask yourself if you would want to go back and focus on being free and happy now.

  1. Learn to forgive

This does not necessarily mean to forgive your partner, although you could do that as well and feel much better. This point is more important for your self – forgive yourself for all that happened. It is normal to shift the blame internally and see what you could have done better. Leave the past behind and forgive yourself regardless of whether it was your fault or not.

  1. Talk to a friend

Having a reliable support system is absolutely critical in times like these. Look for friends whom you can talk to without the fear of being judged or misunderstood. We all need a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, and sometimes just talking to someone about our worries can make us feel instantly lighter.

Similarly, you will need to cut out the toxic people from your life consciously. This is the worst time to have negative energy around you, so make an extra effort to avoid people who may feel the need to judge, offer unsolicited advice, or say unkind words.

This seems a difficult step as it might also mean avoiding your close friends or relatives. However, you will need to have the courage to do so. If avoiding them altogether seems hard, you may reduce your time spent with those toxic people.  Once you do so, you will be amazed at how magical this trick works in healing you after a divorce.

  1. Do things you love

Although everything may seem like a burden at the moment, forcing yourself to do things you love may actually help you heal faster. It may be as simple as making yourself coffee every morning, reading your favorite book, watching Netflix, or getting a pedicure. Or if you feel up for it, you could relook at a long-forgotten passion from your past life and take it up again – yoga, painting, praying, volunteering, gardening, traveling…the possibilities are endless as long as it makes you feel alive and happy.

This is a very critical part of reconnecting with your inner core and ‘finding’ yourself again when you may feel lost and lonely. Not only that, but you may also succeed in converting your passion into a profession.

Wouldn’t that be great?

  1. Explore opportunities

This is one of the most important steps that you can take to heal after a divorce.

When you start off with doing things you love, also remember to look at all the possibilities you may have in front of you. From small mundane hobbies to big career moves, think of everything that you can do now, just for yourself. Did you have to give up a career or take a break after being married? Was there a particular skill or language you always wanted to learn? Was there a new house or town you were thinking of moving to? Sometimes, shocking and traumatic experiences can serve as restart buttons in our lives, so think out of the box and take a look at the endless possibilities available to you.

  1. Try yoga and meditation

Numerous studies have proven the power of meditation in improving mental health, depressions, and anxiety. Similarly, yoga relaxes your muscles and helps calm the mind and body. Try practicing these daily. If these do not interest you, then look for some form of mental and physical activity that you enjoy, such as going to the gym, swimming, Zumba, jogging, etc. Keeping healthy and active is a great way to stay motivated and keep your mind and body positively charged.

  1. Take support from your faith

Prayer is one of the strongest forms of meditation, and those who are religious by nature can lean on their faith for greater support and peace. Relying on your faith and praying for guidance and recovery is a great way to channel your thoughts positively and feel hopeful again. T

  1. Enjoy being ‘single’ again

As difficult as it may sound in the beginning, being ‘single’ again doesn’t necessarily have to be traumatic. Once you have mentally accepted the change in status, try and start enjoying the perks of just being with yourself again. Learn to appreciate small things which you did not have earlier, such as having the bathroom all to yourself, enjoying a long quiet walk with nature, or reading a book without any interruptions. Some solitude and time to reflect are good for everyone, so take that time to unwind and rediscover yourself. That will not only help you heal from divorce but also reflect on other essential aspects of life.

  1. Journal your feelings

Often when something this big happens in life, we are thrown into a myriad of emotions, and it’s hard to keep track and manage them all at once. But for your own sanity and wellbeing, it is a good idea to keep a journal, where you can vent and write down feelings without the fear of being judged by someone else. Pouring your thoughts on a blank page can feel oddly therapeutic, and can even help make sense of your feelings when it all begins to feel a bit too overwhelming.

  1. Do not isolate yourself

Yes, some alone time is essential and even healthy to reflect and recuperate, but do not shut yourself out from the world. Say yes to lunch with a friend, go window shopping, step out with someone once in a while, and breathe in the fresh air. Being around others will distract you from the pain and also help you gain new experiences and friendships.

  1. Believe in humanity and count your blessings

Although it may seem like you have hit rock bottom, try to look around you and count your blessings. Chances are you will be able to look at numerous things to be thankful for, so try and focus on them. Similarly, don’t think of everyone as a negative person because of that one experience with your ex. Yes, life may seem gloomy and depressing at the moment because you are hurting so badly, but consciously focusing on the positives in life could do wonders for your mental health.

  1. Take your time getting into new relationships

Although this could be the first word of advice from friends and well-wishers, it is often best not to jump into another relationship immediately. Breaking up with a loved one can take a toll on you mentally and emotionally, and it is best to distance yourself from all romantic engagements for a while and allow yourself to heal from the divorce. Therapists usually recommend a year after a divorce to get involved again, but only you are the best judge to understand when you feel ‘ready’ yet. Do not force yourself to hurry into decisions.

  1. Seek professional help in healing from divorce

There is no harm in going to your family doctor or a trained psychic healer if you feel continuously depressed about your situation. Healing from a divorce can be stressful and traumatic, and you should not have to carry the burden alone at all. There are numerous certified experts available to help you; if you are unsure where to seek help from, consult your family doctor first.

While recovering from something as complicated and emotional as a divorce can be hard, it is not impossible. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself; take it slow and give yourself time to heal. Do not rush yourselves into things you do not want to do, cut toxic people, and activities from your life and focus on the positives. Take it as a new start and delve inside to rediscover yourself and your passions. Remember that divorce isn’t a death sentence – there is still your whole life ahead of you, and you need to live it to the fullest.  Nurture your body and your soul, cultivate new friendships, and remind yourself that you still have a bright future ahead of you.

6 Comments

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